‘I have something that I love so long, but my friends keep telling that I was wrong’
Driving lessons started on the previous thursday night. Something new to look forward now, instead of polishing boots and doing lunges and squats.
Left4Dead rules. Zombie may rule the world, but the 4 of us are there to take it back. Wish we can play with more players around.
So, it’s been quite some since this blog is updated.
Nothing much hapening in my life. Same old shit everyday. Training, class, training, class and blah blah blah.
Going to get my bike license though. Say, maybe after 2 months. Much convinient if i had one.
Say, it’s been a while since this blog have been updated.
16th August marked my 22nd birthday. Nothing special though happen though. Just a normal gathering here and there although the worse part is that i have to book in to camp on the very day itself and you wouldn’t want to know about how i feel.
I was quite surprise with some people who knew about my birthday. I didn’t expect a lot of people to know about that.
Got into camp, i got a load of surprise. Squad mates sang the birthday song in the middle of the coy courtyard and at the end of it, thanks to some people, splashed water on me so much that they had my walk-out attire all drenched, including my undies. THANKS A LOT. Then Monday came, we had a second celebration in camp, this time with our FI and OC. Got ourselves pizza and a cake. It’s really something. Very much appreciated although i’m not the birthday party kind of person.
Motorbike license is going to hold for another 2-3 months. I’m going to start from the top then work my way down. Then once license done, GILERA RUNNER/PIAGGIO FLY. Woohhoooo
It’s quite amazing that i’ve actually enjoyed training in HTA. Seriously, i thought it would be a drab but it turned out to be quite fun. It would be even better if you have a great squad who’ll mess around with your superiors. Although it seems that my life in HTA is monotonous, i enjoyed the monotony.
5:00am – wake up, brush teeth, wash up
5:30am – water parade
6:30am – either foot drills or physical training
8:30am – breakfast
9:00am – 4:30pm – lessons
4:30pm – 6:30pm – either foot drills or physical training
then after dinner, it’s polishing boots time or “talk cock” sessions in the bunk. It’s a daily routine. Somehow i enjoyed it.
Though i miss those times when i’m free to roam, seek and look out for things i want to do the most. But the things i miss the most is weekdays. I love weekdays so much that i feel nothing for the weekend. I guess it’s because weekends ends faster than weekdays ever since I’m inside the training facility. But what the heck! It’s a sacrifice i’m more than willing to take.
Countless push ups, march and run from one point to the other, compete on who’s boots are the most outstanding ones and so on.
To think of it, it’s been 3 weeks. So fast!
I still remember those glory days
When no one dared to get in our way
It only seems like yesterday
Seein’ boots and braces all the way
We used to live out on the streets
we used to drink and used to steal to eat
We shared the joy and we shared the pain
I’ve never thought you call it a day
We were so proud, we were so strong
But now where have all the bootboys gone
The joy we had, the pain we shared
Are always on my mind…
Tomorrow is my first official day as a trainee Sergeant in the Police Force. A midst all the ‘kan-chiong-ness’, i’m looking forward to the training. Although smoking would be a tough challenge for me. Hoping that i have no sleepless night through out the training period.
New surroundings, new faces and new challenges. Bring the rain!
krik, krik, people say i’m losing my mind,
krik, krik, is that the only word they can find?
krik, krik, i sold my soul for rock and roll,
krik, krik, that is why i’m losing control.
krik, krik, you raise my hopes up high,
krik, krik, you fucking shot me in the sky.
krik, krik, i have a ballsack with no balls,
krik, krik, might as well i smash my head against the wall.
krik, krik, can’t believe you can’t see how i feel,
krik, krik, it feels like you wearing a 6 inch heel.
krik, krik, peel my skin and you’ll see the real me,
krik, krik, oh wait, not right now, i have to pee.
krik, krik, colour my hair brown, yellow and blue,
krik, krik, you say i look like ‘mat’, i say ‘oh yea, fuck you’.
krik, krik, Rayban shades to avoid the sun,
krik, krik, oh how much i miss all the fun.
krik, krik, things change now, what can i do?
krik, krik, go to a mirror, and say ‘fuck you’.
krik, krik, you channel surf all day long,
krik, krik, you watch porn, you shout ‘wah, SONG!’.
krik, krik, love and crush are 2 different feelings,
krik, krik, like different people have different ear rings.
krik, krik, what happen? what did i do wrong?
krik, krik, now i remember, i took too long.
krik, krik, seems you’ve dissappear, unreachable,
krik, krik, what you’re doing to me, unbearable.
Krik, krik, so many questions. Where, what, why, how, when and who?
Krik, krik, 1 ultimate answer, fuck you
Under the clam, still water,
there’s something lurking…
I once looked up to someone. Someone who taught me to take my time, to survive, taught me to respect people around you, to understand yourself before understanding others, taught me to look out for the weak and the small, to never run away from problems, taught me about the freedom of being a civilised boy, never be vengeful of others, taught me to honor your family and friends, to protect the beliefs and dreams to make it real and to appreciate life.
Life comes by only once, but death is inevitable.
For too long, the 7 of us never really met to have a good chat or never really had the full 7 ‘kongs’ meeting up together. However, today, we manage to do that. Azli, Is, Jay, Qyn, YC, Salleh and me manage to squeeze sometime for each other since 2 of them finished serving their nation. My time will come, surely.
After dinner, we headed down to Braddell-Westlae Sec Sch to remind ourselves where we first met, though most of my Sec 1 and 2 days were spent without them. The school looked runned down, nothing left except the building, air conditioning ducks and a few torn down windows. And i can still see the 5 window panes which i broke using my forehead. Haha.
The conversation was a presurising one for YC. Most of it about his love and sexual life. Whaha. Poor guy. Sharing the memories of the school, the stupid things that we did, the teachers that we both love and hate, who had a crush on who, who hated who and what, who would you sleep with and blah blah blah till we ran out of ciggy. But it was a good laugh and some of the answers which came out was quite a shocker.
I miss BWSS times!
Highlight if u wanna see.Day after day after day after day. The feeling gets deeper. Sometimes, i feel like letting it go, but i just don’t know how. Contemplate suicide? Every minute when I’m alone. I like her (or even love her), but i feel i’m not good enough for her. Don’t really know if she’s avoiding me or she’s too busy. I don’t know, but i’m not going to assume. At one point, i was thinking of downing 20 panadol pills in my room just by thinking about her. To the extent of cutting my wrist and lay down on my bed waiting for the angel of death to take me away. I was soooo stupid. I should have told her earlier, at least she knows about how i feel but NO, azri got no balls. Yea! Azri have no balls. Losing interest? I don’t know. Seriously. If i take my own life now, what would people think of me? How would my mum feel? How would god feel? How can my mum ever forgive me?
I have to do something about this. If nothing is done, sooner or later, I’ll be gone. Mark my word. Forgive me.
As the Holy Quran tells us, be conscious of God and speaks the truth.
That it is what I will try to do
- to speak the truth as best as I can,
- humbled by the task before us
- and firm in my belief that the interests we share as human beings
are far more powerful than the forces that drives us apart.
- Obama
